There are times when I wonder if I did the right thing for either of us when I adopted Bella.
She is beautiful. She is gentle. And she can drive me insane.
I feel housebound and long to travel again. But how can I leave her when she is afraid of everyone (so far the only exception is Jade)? How can I ever traumatise her more by putting her in kennels?
She has regressed badly the past two weeks. I thought we had got past the submissive peeing of the first month, but it has returned.
This morning, she peed on the carpet and peed on her bed. Why? Because for the past two days, she has been afraid of her lead/leash. Why? Who the heck knows. Somehow the sight and sound of me picking up her leash--which just last week made her all happy and excited--has turned into something to cower from. Once she is attached and outside, she is fine, walks well, chases voles (saw one this morning, at least she was not afraid of the vole, and she saw little Sandy, she is not afraid of Sandy either), sniffs everywhere, walks fine on the lead, stops and sits when told. But it's the time between me picking up the lead and her being connected to it. She crawls away and becomes more and more afraid.... and then has an accident.
This morning I fell part down the stairs as I turned so as not to make her more scared than she already was. And out walking, I stumbled over her head when she flinched from something--maybe a fly? --and stuck herself in front of me as we were walking. (How did you injure yourself? Karate? No... I tripped over my Great Dane's nose...)
My lawn is destroyed. OK it wasn't much of a lawn anyway, all weeds and hollows and general not-a-good-lawn, but now it is just brown circles all conspiring to merge together and become on dead desert. I have no idea how to get her to do her business anywhere else. Have tried everything I can think of, including sneaking dirt-from-my-lawn around the neigborhood verges, but nothing works. I have failed miserably.
She is beautiful and I have always wanted a Great Dane. And I think she likes me--a lot. But it feels that it's because she needs to hide behind me, rather than be a friend.
I wish her previous owners had told me about all her problems before I took her. They didn't. And that makes me wonder if it's lifelong problems with Bella, or a problem with me.
There. I've said it.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I really meant to replant that planter now that the bulbs have all died down, and the lobelia has gone... glad the weeds are providing a nice breakfast, it is fast becoming the hungry part of the deer year.
... making sure I'm working hard. So that I keep earning money. To buy her more food.
All the streets are edged with wild hibiscus this week. They fight their way up among the phragmites, and show their pretty faces to the sun. Many of the homes closest to the water have cultivated large clumps of these pretty flowers--I have my own baby clump in the front garden.
They come in many shades of pink... deep, pale...
... and on one corner, even pure white.
Pretty blue-mauve flower
What are these? Are they the flowers that are antidotes to poison ivy? (In England, you often find dock leaves, an antidote, growing close to stinging nettles.)
Lots of ferns, various shapes-and-sizes
... and a tiny little flower, shaped like a cockle, or a broom flower.
Wild jasmine?
He was having fun. Especially when a rip tide carried him from left to right across the beach; blink he was over to the left, blink he was over to the right, so fast, rather him-than-me but he really did enjoy it. I hope he got home OK!
The police were on the beach driving fun vehicles and rounding up people from one part of the beach (which looked safe), and telling them to go to another part (which didn't)... but just seconds after I took this, the two vehicles had to drive right up into the save-the-piping-plover fence, to avoid being given a salty wash.
Saturday... and Hurricane Bill had sent Long Island some major surf. The air was full of spray; huge breakers roaring into shore. (I could hear them, like an express train, from my house, right across the bay.) Waves like this one would suddenly break the pattern, and rush right up the beach. I wasn't convinced about the brain power of some of the parents who were letting their children paddle--some without close supervision.
Much fun was had running away...
... but you had to be REALLY fast not to get wet.
Sunshine and grey skies. White birds on gunmetal water. Shining grass with a cloud backdrop. "Battleship grey... hardship grey". And enough blue sky to make a sailor's suit.
... sometimes she does yoga, sometimes she sleeps, and sometimes she just waits patiently for me to escape from work and take her for a walk.
Just after sunrise yesterday morning, I saw six raccoons walk across the back of my neighbour's garden, nose to tail, like a string of elephants; all identical in size, their shorter front legs making their walk seem hunched.
I have a thing about camels.
Already, sunrise is back around six a.m. Already, it is creeping south. Already, the days are shortening, little-by-little, a few minutes here, a few minutes there.
Posts
